Stop Over-Indexing: Finding Steady Leadership in the Highs and Lows

If good news makes you feel like you've arrived and a setback knocks you off course, you're not leading, you're reacting. You're over-indexing. And if you want long-term success, you've got to learn how to stay steady in the middle. And that is what we're talking about here today.

Welcome to The Law Firm Owner Podcast, powered by Velocity Work, for owners who want to grow a firm that gives them the life they want. Get crystal clear on where you're going, take planning seriously, and honor your plan like a pro. This is the work that creates Velocity.

Hey everyone, welcome back to The Law Firm Owner Podcast. I'm so glad you're here. Today, we are talking about something that might hit close to home. It certainly does for me. And that's this: Do you over-index on good news or bad news in your business? I'm not talking about noticing results. I'm not talking about celebrating progress, learning from mistakes. I am talking about what happens internally in your head and your heart when something great happens or when something goes wrong.

Do you spike? Do you spiral? Do you let it sit too long? Do you feel like it defines your future, or maybe even worse, that it defines you? This is such an important thing to talk about, and not just theoretically. I have known this truth for a long time. I coach on this. I see it in my clients. And I'm pretty good at keeping myself emotionally even when it comes to this topic, especially after years of working with clients and years of running my own business.

But I've hit my own next level with this recently, and you will too. It's not a one-and-done mindset shift. It is something that you return to over and over again. Each time, you can get more nuanced. You'll have more awareness. You'll gain more steadiness. That's what growth demands of us.

People tend to think that growth demands new strategies, more capital, more team, more clients. There's all these things that we envision that are a part of growth. And one thing that gets left aside, that isn't looked at or considered until you need to face it, is deeper emotional resilience that has to come with growth. And if not, the growth can be pretty painful and you will hinder it.

And there's always another layer because as we grow and as you do actually hire more team members, you welcome more clients, you make bigger, bolder moves, that is an invitation to practice this at a different level. And there's always another layer, and I know it when I hit it because I realize in the moment, oh, I'm still letting this mean more than it needs to.

So today's episode isn't about becoming a robot or detaching from what you care about. It's about growing into the kind of owner and the kind of leader who can stay clear-headed, rooted, effective, no matter what news you get.

Let's start with what I mean when I say over-indexing, just to make sure we're all starting on the same foot. It's when you give too much emotional weight or you give too much mental bandwidth to a particular piece of news. Your firm has had a huge revenue month, and you're riding high, so high that you stop scrutinizing systems, you stop looking at forecasts, you're just riding high. Or someone gives notice, and you spiral. You question everything, even your decision to grow a firm, let alone own a business.

Or you get negative feedback from a client and you feel crushed, like none of this is working, not working the way that you thought it was or like it should, and feeling defeated because you need the space that you don't have to figure out how to prevent this from ever happening again. It sort of sends you into a tailspin of sorts when things happen that are negative. And when things happen that are positive, you just are riding high, emotionally riding high.

We all do this in some form, and that's not the issue. We are human, that's what's going to happen. The issue is when these reactions become patterns, when your leadership energy is being driven by external events instead of your internal compass. And if you're a law firm owner, if you're building something with your name on the door and your heart in the game, this is especially easy to fall into.

And here's why this is so important to get your arms around. When you over-index on either good news or bad news, you aren't leading. You're reacting. You're swinging between two ends of a spectrum: euphoria on one end or something along those lines, and despair on the other end, or something painful on the other end, pain, frustration. Instead of making clean, grounded decisions. You're chasing validation or you're avoiding discomfort instead of asking, what does the business need right now? And over time, that creates inconsistency, inconsistency in your direction, in your team, in your culture, in your client experience.

The way you're showing up, the energy that you bring, will seep into all of the aspects of the business. This is when I'll see people who will start canceling systems or making drastic changes after one tough month. I will also see people who, something went really well, they had a great month, and they start piling on new goals just because everything's going so well. It's like trying to steer a ship by the waves instead of by the compass. So it's not just a mindset thing. This is not about just feeling better. It's about being able to lead from a place that's thoughtful, that's consistent, that's strategic because the real work happens in the middle, in the steady, in the clear-headed space between the spikes.

And honestly, that's a huge part of why this company exists. Strategic planning cuts through the noise. The way that we do it, it does. It's based on data, facts, not feelings, and it really allows us to make plans that when we're doing it, it forces clarity. It helps you build well-thought-out, deliberate plans that align with your bigger vision, which we will also help with if you don't really have that in place.

And then maybe, even more importantly, we help you honor those plans. We know hits will come. We know that wins will happen, but the goal is to stay steady, to make decisions from the plan, not from the highs or the lows. That's the discipline. That's what allows real traction. And that's what builds a firm that's not just growing, but a firm that's healthy.

Now, because sometimes people have an issue with this, they have a hard time wrapping their head about what I'm trying to convey to them, so let me be super clear about something because people get tripped up here. This doesn't mean you're a robot. This doesn't mean you shut down your emotions. It's not about grinding it out and pretending that wins don't matter or pretending that the hits don't sting. Celebrate the wins. Feel them, savor them. Let them be a reminder of what is possible. And when something goes wrong, feel that too. Let it hit. Just don't let it knock you over or define your worth, or don't allow yourself to make decisions from the sting of the hit.

Emotional neutrality, that's what we're kind of talking about here. It's not about muting yourself. It is about creating enough space between the stimulus and your response that you can lead clearly, that you can make quality decisions.

You know, you want to be able to see the win and say, great, what made that possible? How do we repeat that? It's about seeing the hit that you took or the loss and saying, okay, what is this showing me? What is my move?

You can care very deeply and still stay steady. You can be passionate and still be measured. You can lead with heart and not let your heart lead you off a cliff.

And here's a deeper layer when you really get underneath why this happens. Entrepreneurs tend to over-identify with their businesses. Entrepreneurs of all kinds. You may have already heard me say this on a previous episode. I'm not sure if I've shared it or not. I went to a workshop recently. It was a conference called the Conscious Entrepreneur Summit. It was awesome. It was here in Boulder, Colorado. And one of the speakers there was named Matthew Freeman. He is a researcher who lives in the Bay Area, who was funded to do some research on founders in particular.

I would love to have him on the podcast at some point, but I will provide one takeaway here. He talked and with data about the fact that founders and entrepreneurs in general over-identify with their businesses. And when they do, their mental health suffers.

So when I say there's something underneath why we experience the high highs and low lows and we have trouble staying steady, it's because, I mean, of course we do. We built the business. We shaped it. We care about the mission and the people, and the work. So it makes sense that when something goes wrong, it can feel like it reflects on us. But that emotional enmeshment becomes a liability because then when the business wins, you feel like you're finally worthy. And when the business stumbles, you feel like a failure.

And maybe that's not true for everybody listening, so I just want to back it up and say that in a different way because everyone listening has this bone in their body. We are vulnerable to this being the case. When the business wins, you feel great. And when the business stumbles, fumbles, you feel crappy. That feeling state that's associated with the business doing well or the business having a tough run, tough time, the emotion that's paired with when the business is doing really well and when the business is having a tough time or gets some tough feedback or whatever, it means that you're making the circumstance, you're making the thing, mean something that it doesn't have to mean.

And the truth is, the business is just the business. You are the leader. You are the steward. You don't get your identity from your firm. You bring your identity to your firm. And that shift from this, meaning this is the firm, this is me to this is mine to lead is everything.

And if you stop, if you pause this right now and just said the two sentences out loud, say, instead of this, say your firm name. As a purpose for this exercise, I will use my company name. “Velocity Work is me.” And then say the sentence, “Velocity Work is mine to lead.” There is a very different feeling associated with each of those sentences. There is a shift inside when I say one versus the other.

And you living from the place that your firm is yours to lead versus your firm is you are very different, and you have an advantage if you can identify and remind yourself because you're going to have to lean into this. This isn't a light switch that you flip on. Remind yourself that your firm is yours to lead. It's not you.

If you want to improve this for yourself, and again, I'm going to go back to what I said earlier, when you grow, you are never done doing this. You know, you get to a place of growth where you feel like you have, it's almost an emotional maturity that comes with business ownership, emotional maturity around the business itself, and what happens in the business. And you get yourself to a pretty good place.

Like the problems that come your way, you know how to deal with them. They don't rock you so much. The issues that might arise, the wins that are happening. But as you grow, that all expands. You not only subject yourself when you grow to bigger wins, but you also subject yourself to maybe harder hits that you take, whether that's feedback, whether that's a team member leaving, or something breaking that is a problem. Whatever it is, you open yourself up to that next level. And so as you grow, this work has to be continued. You can't not keep showing up and developing yourself in this way because you will cap the business because of the way that you're showing up and the way that you're leading. It'll bleed into everything.

With the bigger problems and with the bigger wins, without practice, it's not as easy to stay steady. So you're going to have to practice that staying steady and not allowing yourself to get rocked and to make decisions and show up with your energy from that place, whether it's rocked in a good way or rocked in a way that doesn't feel so great.

So, going back to, if you want to get better at this for whatever level you are now, and you're going to have to keep doing this, you have to have awareness. That is the first thing. You have to notice the spike. When you get a piece of news, good or bad, just notice what happens in your body, in your thoughts, in your emotions. Name what is going on because if you can create that awareness, it's going to give you more choice in how you respond. If you don't take a second to have awareness about this, it's tougher. You're going to react. So, awareness is the first thing.

Once you do that, you have a chance to recenter yourself. And this often does not happen on the turn of a dime. This is something that might take minutes, it might take hours, it might take days. But recentering yourself is important. And so it's allowing that emotion to process that whatever it is that you felt, but then recenter yourself with questions, high-quality questions.

One that I've given already in this episode is, what does this mean for the business? Not, what does this mean about me? What does this mean about my teammate? What does it… no. What does this mean for the business? That one question alone will shift you out of emotional questions or questions that are centered around your emotions and into what matters here. And that shift can keep you in the seat of leadership, even if it takes time.

Like, even if you need some space where the thing happens, you are dealing with the emotion of it. So feel it, feel it all as I said earlier. Don't shove it down, but don't act from that place and realize when you're experiencing that, you need to get to center or to the steady state before you make a decision or talk about it with your team or talk to the client, et cetera.

And then, which this is sort of what we've already been going to, but choose your response on purpose. Whether you're about to celebrate a big win or deal with a mess, do it on purpose. Ground yourself first and then take action. Because taking action from that place offers clarity, it offers direction, and it's coming from the version of you that's playing the long game. And your team needs that, and your clients need that. The business, this is what I'm really trying to say. The business needs that.

Listen, this is deep work. It's simple to understand. I mean, that's why I decided to do this episode, because I understand this. I live this. I talk about this with clients. I have done this work with myself. And so it can be simple to understand, but it's not always easy to live. And again, I've been working this myself for years, and I still have room to grow.

But know this, the steadier I get, the more grounded I feel, the less I over-index, the more powerful and effective I become as a leader and an owner of this company. And I want that for you, too. You have the opportunity to be steady, no matter what is happening, no matter what news you get, be steady and offer clarity to yourself once you can get there, and then to the people around you that matter most when it comes to the health of this business. You will be leading, not just reacting.

Thanks for tuning in today, guys. Keep showing up for yourself and your vision. I'll see you here next week.

Hey, you may not know this, but there's a free guide for a process I teach called Monday Map Friday Wrap. If you go to velocitywork.com, it's all yours. It's about how to plan your time and honor your plans so that week over week, more work that moves the needle is getting done in less time. Go to velocitywork.com to get your free copy.

Thank you for listening to The Law Firm Owner Podcast. If you're ready to get clearer on your vision, data, and mindset, then head over to VelocityWork.com where you can plug in to quarterly Strategic Planning, with accountability and coaching in between. This is the work that creates Velocity.