Healing, Boundaries, and Transformation with High Performance Coach Jeff Salzenstein

Over the next four episodes, we're sharing something different and deeply personal. You'll be hearing from Jeff Salzenstein, a former professional tennis player turned high performance coach, whose work has profoundly shaped my life over the last several months.

Jeff isn't just any coach. He brings a rare mix of rigor and compassion that creates space for transformation. His presence, his lived experience, and depth of perspective made him exactly the right guide for me at the right time. My first episode with him was released two weeks prior to this, so if you haven’t listened to that, I recommend you starting there.

As we've worked together, I've not only discovered his frameworks and his approach, but also the story of his brother, Erik, whose passing became a driving force behind Jeff’s purpose. And that story, and Jeff’s commitment to helping others live full, intentional lives add a powerful dimension to everything he teaches

This series is meant to introduce you to Jeff, in the last episode and now carrying on with this episodes. His story, his philosophies and the practices that have made the biggest difference in my own journey. Across these episodes, we'll explore vision, identity, energy, recovery, relationships, and team culture, and you'll hear us both reflect on what it looks like to strive to live an 11 out of 10 life.

My hope is that Jeff's story and the work that we share together inspire you to look at your own life and business in a new way, and to define for yourself what living into your best truly means. So sit back, relax, and enjoy this conversation and the ones to follow. It’s not my typical style, but I’m hoping you can learn something about yourself throughout these next weeks here.

Welcome to The Law Firm Owner Podcast, powered by Velocity Work, for owners who want to grow a firm that gives them the life they want. Get crystal clear on where you're going, take planning seriously, and honor your plan like a pro. This is the work that creates Velocity.

Melissa: You're back on The Law Firm Owner Podcast.

Jeff: I'm back. Thanks for having me.

Melissa: I'm so glad you're back. Last episode, we talked about your story, and we learned a lot, but there is still a gap between what you shared and when we met. And I think it's important to tell that part of the story.

Jeff: Very important.

Melissa: Yeah. And I think this all goes to show the chain link of events, and we can't know how things are going to—how our path is going to be forged. And you rounding out the story is going to be a really great example of that. We ended last time with you talking about Erik, your brother. You found Erik on the floor.

For those of you who haven't listened to the first episode with Jeff, I definitely think you should do that. Maybe I'll have you recount that just a bit. Um, and then take it from there, and then we'll get to the point when our paths crossed.

Jeff: So I again, I feel like we warmed up. Maybe we got to the first set in that podcast. We're in the second set now. And, you know, my life, the stories of our, all of our lives define us. And then we get to use our stories to impact the world. And so my story and the life that I've lived up until this point has given me an opportunity to find meaning in my life and then be able to impart any type of wisdom, knowledge, strategies, tactics based on everything I've learned.

And I learned so much as a professional tennis player. And then I see my brother lying on the floor as I'm in this crossroads in my career, feeling like in many ways I failed. I'm 34 years old. I got to top 100 in the world, which most people would be like, "Holy cow." That's incredible. But internally, I felt in some respects, in many respects, that I failed.

And when I see my brother lying helplessly on the bedroom, on his bedroom floor as a high school senior and he's got foam coming out of his mouth, I knew I had to do something. And I kicked into high gear and put him into rehab and moved back to Denver and announced that I was a coach. And right away, I realized that I felt and found a deeper sense of fulfillment by helping others than by chasing my own dream.

And I think leaders and high achievers can probably connect to that on some level that if you are chasing the money, if you are chasing scaling a business, if you are chasing something that's similar to a tennis ranking, a world tennis ranking, yes, there's the dopamine highs. Yes, there's a sense of achievement and maybe even some happiness, but it's fleeting. And if there isn't fulfillment and purpose behind it, it can be a challenge for many people. And so I've gone on that journey as a professional tennis player, and then watching my brother struggle allowed me to jump into the world of coaching.

And then a few years into it, I got this crazy idea to uh build an online tennis instruction platform, which is called Tennis Evolution. The name evolution. Like, how can we keep evolving as tennis players and as people? So there's a reason behind the name. And so in my next life as a coach, as an entrepreneur, I'm also navigating this journey with my brother.

So my brother gets out of rehab, and he comes to live with me in Denver. We thought that was the best move. He was living in Florida, grew up in Florida. Let's get him into a different environment. Let's get him into the mountains. Let's get him hiking. Let's get him exercising and moving. And so that was the plan. 

And uh pretty early on, we didn't create the right boundaries and the right guidelines for him. And very quickly, he started falling off track. And I was able to figure out in a couple of months that things weren't what they, what I hoped they would be. And I remember one day, he was sitting watching TV in my home. He had turned 18. And I put a drug test that I purchased at a drugstore, put it down on the table, and I said, you know, 'You can go ahead and take this urine test right now." And he didn't even look at me, and he's just staring at the TV, and he's like, "I'm not doing it."

I'm like, "What do you mean you're not doing it?"

He goes, "I'm not doing it."

I go, "Okay." I go, "Well, um, basically, I've been coached on this. Uh, you have six days to find another place to live if you're not going to be clean and if you're not going to take the test. These are this is my house."

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: And so that created, right away, that created a rift, right? Because I'm I'm challenging the status quo of the way someone who's in addiction is going to deal with it. So he moved back to Florida. And from that point on, August, like 2008, summer of 2008, probably, we didn't really talk for a while. Maybe we talked on the phone, like, "Hi, how are you? Merry Christmas." But there wasn't much engagement as soon as, you know, I found out he was using drugs and choosing not to live, not to work the program.

Melissa: How long did you not speak really?

Jeff: I mean, it was a couple years. Um, I'm getting all my information from my father because he moved back to Florida. He got back with his girlfriend. He had a child. Um, and he got into a life of drugs, uh, drug dealing. Um, pretty, pretty dark stuff.

And I'm hearing a lot of this through my father, in and out of some rehabs, in and out of jail. I mean, the song and dance that you hear when it gets extreme. At some point, uh, he gets arrested for a couple years in, probably 2012, 13. He gets arrested, two felony counts, aggravated assault or battery. He's facing life in prison.

Melissa: Jeez.

Jeff: With these two aggravated assault or battery counts because they were about at the same time. So the first one happens, he gets let out, does it again. And this is all related to drugs. You know, he's trying to get drugs or he's, you know, something's, you know. And I remember him telling me later when when we reconnected again, which I'll get to, that I think it was the second time that he was running through the ghetto of Orlando with helicopters with the lights and the canine dogs on foot chasing after him.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: I mean, that's, I mean, this kid grew up in the suburbs of Orlando, and he's running like for his life through the ghetto of Orlando. And he's facing life in prison. He's got the defense attorney, public defense attorney representing him. Two weeks before he's supposed to go to trial and they're going to throw the book at him, the prosecuting attorney gets married.

Melissa: Okay.

Jeff: She gets married and she quits her job.

Melissa: Okay.

Jeff: She was the one that was going to throw the book at him.

Melissa: Oh, wow.

Jeff: The new prosecuting attorney comes in and basically is friends with the public defender, and they cop a plea.

Melissa: Wow. You're talking to law firm owners, too. They all know how this works.

Jeff: And he's before the judge. And Erik's before the judge, Erik with a K. And he basically, he tells my dad, too, before he's like, "It's it's up to God now. Whatever God tells me, whatever happens is what God wants." And so I think he actually might have done that before that decision was handed down, and around or that transition with the marriage and the wedding and everything. And so he got four years for each count.

Melissa: Okay.

Jeff: But then they ran it concurrently. So now it's four total years. So he went from possible life in prison to four years. And he's sent to a maximum security correctional facility. And then I think he was transferred about a year in. I don't remember the reason why. And so now he's in Wakulla Maximum Security Correctional Facility in Tallahassee, Florida, about 20 miles outside of Tallahassee. And again, at this point, we're not really talking. He goes to prison around 2013.

From 2009 to 2013, 14, we're not really talking much. I'm getting all my stories from my father's visits and my stepmother's visits, and that's just kind of how it is. So finally, one day I get a call. It's probably 2014-ish, half end of 14-ish. And he calls me and he's like, "Jeff, I really want to change, but I have no idea how to do it."

And the reason he called me is because he had gotten in a gang fight. And in prison, you need to protect yourself. It's kind of a proving ground. Like someone challenges you to a fight, you fight. But the reason he called me is because the fight got him in trouble for fighting. And he was put into solitary confinement. So he spent 52 days in solitary confinement. 

So in the beginning of his prison term, he was still trying to beat the system. He was selling cigarettes, he was smoking cigarettes, he was kind of just trying to live in the thug life still in prison. But when he spent 52 days in solitary confinement, he had time to think about what he wanted to do with his life. And that's when he decided he wanted to make a change. And so of all the people in his life that he thought that could help him, it was me. He knew what I had done in pro tennis. He knew what I was doing in this next chapter as a tennis coach and then building this online, this successful online tennis platform. And he calls me, and I sent him two books. I sent him Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins, and I sent him The 4-Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss.

Melissa: Okay.

Jeff: Because I wanted him to start to think differently.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: He didn't know entrepreneurship. He didn't know how that world worked. And he was a creative type, and he was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age, and he was taking medication, Ritalin, at 10, 11, 12 years old. And I think, you know, that's another conversation maybe for another day, but I think even taking those types of medications at a young age, it changes the brain. And for certain people, it could lead them to be dependent on, you know, more different types of medication or drugs down the road if you start altering the brain chemistry at a young age. And so I think that played a role in him gravitating towards the use of drugs as a teenager and then into his young adult life.

So he gets these books, and he reads Awaken the Giant Within, and it completely changes his value system. Like, he finally had a value system. Oh, this is how you transform. This is how you change your life. You have to have a value system, and you live into it, and you create a new identity, and you do all these things. And so we start doing weekly calls from the prison house phone.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: And it is like so fun. Like, I'm this kid is lit up. When I say kid, I mean he's 24 years old at the time. But he's lit up. He's coming to me with these ideas. He's like, I want to open car washes and I want to open, I want to open um rehab facilities and I want to do this and I want to do that. And he's just like a sponge. And I'm loving this. I'm like, this is so cool. Like, he turned the corner and he's on fire.

He gets in ridiculous shape. Like, he goes to the prison yard, and he starts doing the pull-ups and the bicep curls and the push-ups and playing sports and basketball, and he gets absolutely jacked. Like he's 5'8", 140 pounds, pretty slender dude. When he comes out of prison, he's like 165, just like chiseled brick house.

Melissa: Wow.

Jeff: He changes his thought and word patterns. He starts adding breathwork, journaling, meditation, and prayer to his daily routine. He starts cleaning the toilets at 5:00 a.m. every morning because he wants to be of service to the inmates. And it was amazing.

Like I remember going to visit him, it was October of 2015, and I fly into Tallahassee, Florida, and this is my first time at a prison, okay? And I walk in there, I'm like, "Man, like I don't know how you even like live here or go through this." Like, I'm just visiting for a few hours, and it's intense. You know, you go through the metal detector, all these hoops you have to jump through, and I meet him in this cafeteria, and there's a sterile white picnic table, kind of like this, only the table's white and it's plastic. And we're sitting across from each other, and I'm looking into his eyes like I'm looking into you right now.

Melissa: Mhm.

Jeff: His eyes are crystal clear. Not bloodshot, not drawn in, like light. I see the light coming out of his eyes, and I'm looking at him going, "You're ready."

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: Like you're going to freaking do this, man.

Melissa: How close was he to getting out?

Jeff: We're about a year out.

Melissa: Oh, okay.

Jeff: He's on fire, though. Like he is he's inspiring other inmates. And what was interesting is he did his first public speaking contest. He learned that he loved public speaking, started developing speeches, memorizing them. He's incredible. And he wins a prize, and he gets written up in the Tallahassee newspaper.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: And so we just sit across from each other for 3 hours like this in the cafeteria, and he tells me the whole story. He tells me about how he was chased in the ghetto, and he tells me about how he let everybody down, and he tells me, you know, about how much he misses his son and hasn't been there as a father. And, you know, we just went for it. You know, a very engaging, deep conversation. And I walked out of there that day even more inspired by his transformation and the path that he was on.

And so he's released from prison, and right away, he goes out in the world, and I remember he made some videos for YouTube. He wanted to he's sitting on the porch, and he's so, it's almost like he's so innocent. He's just like, "Oh, I'm just so grateful to be out. So grateful that I get to have dinner with my family now.” There's just this level of gratitude and appreciation for being on the outside, for having his life back, and the lessons that he learned. Really inspiring.

And yeah, he began, you know, his new life, and really on purpose, around how he wanted to impact kids and schools and make a difference and go speak in front of audiences. And one of his first jobs, might have been his first job, is he got a job as a server at Outback Steakhouse. And what was interesting about that is he did so well, so fast, that other servers were jealous of him. And they actually went to management and said he was a felon. And I think Outback corporate fired him. They let him go because they were like, "We can't have this."

But that led him to the next uh position at another job, another high-end restaurant, and right away, within months, he was like the number three server in the country, um at this high-end restaurant in Orlando.

Now, there's a wrinkle here, and there's kind of a point where looking back on it, I probably would have handled things differently, but very early on, as soon as he got out, he's in the restaurant business, he started drinking.

And I played bad cop in our family. Um, for different various reasons, my other family members allowed Erik to do what he wanted to do. You know, he had that way about him. I got this. And he told me the same thing, and if I had to do it over again, I remember him telling me, or I find I found out he was drinking wine, and it was social, and he had it under control, and I just said, "What are you doing?"

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: Like you just spent four years in prison, and now you're drinking alcohol. Like you're playing Russian roulette right now. And he's like, "No, man, I'm different. I got this. I've paid my time, I've done my, I understand it. People, you know, people that have struggled with addiction, they can do this. I can do this." And I kind of went along with it. I was like, "Okay, convincing argument. I'm not here to say you can't."

Melissa: And also, he's an adult. You've got to let him do what he's going to do.

Jeff: But I think I think where I would have handled it differently now is I would have had that boundary as long as you are drinking, I am not going to be involved in the process of helping you, help others because it's incongruent, and it's we're just playing Russian, we're just walking a tightrope.

Melissa: Right, right.

Jeff: But I went ahead and went full force into supporting him around him getting his message out to the world. So what happened is I started getting him into all of these rooms with entrepreneurs. And he's learning how you can create an online business. So what he did is he got in the rooms with all of these online coaches and he learned the systems, and he built, he was doing, when it started going the wrong way, he was doing $50,000 months online.

Melissa: What?

Jeff: What.

Melissa: Wow.

Jeff: In two years, he went from getting out of prison to selling coaching programs to help people sell their content online. If you're a nutritionist, if you're a lawyer, if you are a fitness person,

Melissa: Wait, $50k in ad, like revenue, or like people would pay him to, I don't know, what?

Jeff: He created a group coaching program. You pay $5k, and he'd get 10 people to pay him $5k to go through a cohort for 8 weeks. And he would do that multiple times a year.

Melissa: Okay.

Jeff: And so he learned the system of developing a framework, an eight-week coaching program, and then using Instagram to get people into the DMs. And he was doing all of this stuff.

Melissa: That's like that, I mean, that's something that people work for a very long time to try to figure out, and they usually don't figure it out.

Jeff: He did in like two years.

Melissa: That's amazing.

Jeff: And so this was happening super fast. And at this point, I'm starting to notice a shift. You know, we get to COVID, March of 2020.

Melissa: Was he still in Florida?

Jeff: He's in Florida. And he's got his girlfriend, Yasmin, uh was helping him build this. They were building it together. And they had a team around them, and we're doing Voxer messages back and forth, and I'm still coaching him. Like, I'm still giving him advice, and I'm keeping an eye on him. And I'm, I know that he's drinking alcohol, but I don't know the extent. And I still don't really know the extent.

But we get to March of 2020, and it actually was February 2020, we met in Reno at an event that he was speaking at. And I remember he felt more disconnected there. Felt like he was a little bit more into the material stuff, a little more disconnected from me. It just didn't feel the same as the beginning, when it felt more innocent. And I remember coming back from that trip, this is one month before COVID hit.

And I was living with my girlfriend at the time, and I've had this happen before with clients where I can I can feel a shift where energetically, they're not as connected to me anymore. And I tell my girlfriend, I'm like, "Something's off."

And I just remember us being more disconnected after that trip. And that was in March. And then I remember in August of 2020, I'm at Mount Princeton Hot Springs Resort with my girlfriend and her children. And I get a call from my uh, the girl Yazmin, his girlfriend, and she's like, "It's bad."

Like, "What do you mean it's bad?"

He's using again, and it's really bad. And so, you know, like really aggressive street drugs. And so there was all these complicated sides to Erik where he was so giving and loving and had this huge heart and this spirit about him, and there was this other side that was like, that was dark. And we all have light and dark. We all have lightness, and we have shadows. And I actually think we need to bring our shadow side with us more and more, like embrace the dark parts of ourselves and bring it to the light instead of trying to hide it.

And so that was tough for him to reconcile, and even during that time period, you know, he's still running the business. But it's really difficult situation for him, for his girlfriend, and started leaking out into other things. At this point, I wasn't really, we weren't really speaking as much because I found out that he was using, and again, my boundary was like, if you're using and you're not getting help, I have to put a boundary down in terms of like how much we communicate. And that was hard for me to watch.

Melissa: Jeez.

Jeff: I've never shared this before. We go to Mexico together. And I was going through a challenging time, and I was trying to figure out like my some of my relationship stuff, my attachment style. You know, I've never been married. I don't have children. I've been on this incredible journey personally and professionally, but being in a deep, intimate relationship has not been something that I've let's just say been great at. Haven't figured that part out.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: Which is interesting because I now feel especially through that experience, I feel like I'm able to, and I know we're going to at some point get into relationships, but the reason I share that is because I decided to do a plant medicine ceremony.

Melissa: Mhm.

Jeff: It was my first time using plant medicine. I used psilocybin. I found an incredible guide to help me with that. I felt like I needed to do it. I had never been called to do it before. I had learned about the healing benefits, and especially if you do it in a safe space and safe container. And so I did my first plant medicine ceremony in December of 2021. At that time, my brother had come out of rehab that I had found for him in Colorado. So he had gotten into a rehab facility, and then he was living in sober living in Denver.

Melissa: Okay.

Jeff: And at that point, I had heard about the benefits of how plant medicine can possibly heal trauma and help with addiction. Now, looking back on it, that probably wasn't the right move. My heart was in the right place. Uh I wanted to I wanted to help my brother, but I suggested to him that he go do the plant medicine ceremony with me. So he was sober at the time, living in sober living pretty short after, like he's like a month and a half sober. So like, not a very long period of time.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: Again, in hindsight, probably not the right move.

Melissa: Okay.

Jeff: So he goes with me to Mexico, and the idea, and I told him, I was like, "Listen, we'll go together as brothers. You know, we can heal some trauma, we can heal some family stuff. We're in it together. You're on this path, I'm on this path." And he was like, "Okay, let me run it by my sponsor and my health coach." And I don't know if they ever found out, right? Like, I don't know if he ever ran it by them. I'm not sure they would have said, "Go do this."

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: That's something that I've had to come to terms with and forgive myself for inviting him to go with me to do that. We go down there around Thanksgiving of 2021. We do the ceremony together. Um, the woman, she's amazing. I've done multiple since with her over the last four years. And I had a really powerful experience personally. My brother had a hard time with it.

I do think this is my story, I don't know if it's true, but I do believe he had started to use again before the ceremony. I don't think that was the triggering event because his behavior was more erratic before that. And so we have a really traumatic experience down there, where I had a good experience, he had a really negative experience. Um, he went out, and that weekend started partying in Sayulita, which is a big surf town, lots of drugs down there. And he just went off. And he also told me before the ceremony and after ceremony that he was staying in Mexico.

Melissa: Oh.

Jeff: And I said, "What do you mean you're staying in Mexico?"

He's like, "I bought a one-way ticket." I'm like…

Melissa: Wow.

Jeff: That's why I think that he already had decided that he wanted to run from everything and live in Mexico and do whatever he wanted to do.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: So my mistake was inviting him.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: Uh but, you know, this was the, this is the path we're all on. He's an adult. He could have said no. He also got on a plane and went. I also like pleaded with him after the ceremony, like, "Please come back with me. Like, just get on the plane with me, we'll figure this out."

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: And he's like, "I'm not coming.” I've got to let him go. And so I did. I let him go, and I left him in Mexico. And that created challenges with our family because it was like, "How could you leave him in Mexico?" I'm like, "Well, what am I supposed to do? The guy literally told me 15 times over 24 hours, I'm not coming. Like, what am I supposed to do?"

Melissa: This is so tough. I mean, I'm just thinking of, I don't have really close experiences with people who are dealing with substance abuse, especially at that level. I mean, the spots that you get yourself in or that you find yourself in as the person who wants to help, but you are a little helpless.

Jeff: I mean, if you look at the trajectory of his life, when he was diagnosed with ADHD when he was like 10 years old, I was already on this holistic journey. I was 27 at the time, coming back from my two career-threatening injuries. I was drinking green drinks, I was doing yoga, I was going to doctors, acupuncturists, chiropractors. I was into all of this stuff.

And I remember going to Orlando and taking him and my parents to a doctor, a naturopathic doctor, and say, "Listen, let's just do the mineral tests." And we saw he was deficient in all the things, and I found another person that did allergy elimination, and they took him to him for months to remove allergies. And he had deficiencies, all these mineral deficiencies. I'm like, "Let's just take the holistic path."

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: And he used Ritalin instead. And like I was, my heart was into this when he was diagnosed when he was 10 years old.

Melissa: Right.

Jeff: Then you fast forward 8 years, he's 18 years old, and I put $36,000 down to pay for his rehab. I quit pro tennis. I moved back to Denver to become a coach. I buy my first home so he can come live with me. I take him to go see a men's leader, like all I wanted to do was to help my brother.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: That's all I wanted to do. I just wanted to help my brother. Like my heart was like so big for like this possibility. And I just had, like, I just have that when someone like wants to get better, I just have it in me. Like I'll drop everything I'm doing to help somebody.

Melissa: Do you think, I'm curious if you think that, uh… this is a bold question. Is there codependency there?

Jeff: Yeah.

Melissa: Okay. Okay. Because I was just thinking you don't, you're not that way with me as an example, with really helping me. You go all in, but it doesn't feel the same as what you're describing right now. Also, he's your brother, right?

Jeff: Oh, yes.

Melissa: Like, did you, I'm just wondering if that whole experience, it's always who you've been, but that whole experience shaped you in countless ways. But wondering if one of the ways it you you came out of that was like, Okay, well that wasn't healthy. I don't know if you disagree with that. That wasn't healthy and and I am who I am. I'm still going to be doing this work with people and in the world, but it you shaped it differently. I don't know if this makes any sense. Also, maybe your fifth plant medicine journey fixed all this. I have no idea.

Jeff: So yeah, and this is so cool that I get to talk about plant medicine with you because when I do podcasts, I usually only get one shot. I got 45 minutes and I talk about Own Your Zone™ and the framework and my story.

Melissa: Well,

Jeff: But like literally the fact that we have time to go deep into Erik's story and the time and this is I didn't actually make the connection of the plant medicine with my relationship and also, I've made the connection, but I didn't make the connection on this podcast like how we this was all coming together is that I'm having challenges with my relationship and codependency with her. There's a codependency there.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: And then there's a codependency with my brother. And I also was getting coaching on that before I did plant medicine. Like I found a coach that was helping me talk about codependency. "Oh, identify, oh, this is what this is." And so those patterns came up. But what I'm going to challenge the full-on codependency is that I did have boundaries. Like when he was using drugs, I had a boundary.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: And when I needed to know what to do with him, I wasn't the one enabling him. Like, there were others that were enabling him. I was not. I was the hardline bad cop. So the codependency was more subtle rather than overt and really toxic or unhealthy.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: I think the codependency was like, it would like, it was like in there.

Melissa: Uh-huh.

Jeff: But it was it was part of this complex soup.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: And I'm a complex person. Like, here's a guy that chases the dream, which can be kind of selfish, like to be top 100 in the world and be a pro tennis player. It's a selfish existence. And yet, I have this massive heart that I want to like share with the world of like, "Who wants like who wants to go with me? Like, let's do this.”

And so yeah, we don't have codependency because you're a client and I know how to hold boundaries. And I had a level of that back then, but I've only gotten better at it. But when it's a coaching relationship, yeah, it's easy for me to not go codependent.

When it's a family member, it's different. It's a different dynamic. But yes, there was codependency in there with me, but not an extreme, overt, really unhealthy type. I probably had more codependency with my previous girl, my girlfriend than with him. But it was still layered in there.

Melissa: And I mean, I'm not trying to diagnose. I was just literally curious. Because the way you were the way you were framing that, and of course, you know, it's your brother, but the way you were framing it is like, it almost made it seem like, "I have lived my life for my brother." And I can the way that the emotion and I did this and I did this and I did this and I did this for him and I did this for him. That's why I was wondering like…

Jeff: Well, I think, yeah, the reason I brought all that up was I think I wanted, I want to convey that like the journey has been long.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: It started at, I was his godfather. You know, he I think he was conceived like at a tennis tournament. Like I was at a national tournament and my parents, yeah, I know. Like TMI, but like, like I am intertwined in this man, this boy, this man's life. I'm 18 years old when he's born. I'm his godfather. It's the first son of my father and my stepmother. We have this unique bond that cannot be explained.

Melissa: Yeah, okay.

Jeff: And we're going on this journey, and then I'm helping him at these different inflection points in our lives. And we're like two peas in a pod getting along, and then now I'm taking him on a plant medicine journey, and I'm his big brother. So I'm like, "Dude, if something goes sideways, I got you, dude."

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: But when I invited him down to Mexico to go with me, there was not one part of me that thought he was going to stay. If I would have known that, there's no way I'm inviting him to Mexico. Like that's nuts. I thought, "I've got this kid under my wings, man. Like I've I'm like the grounded masculine of like, 'I'm going to protect my brother.'"

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: And so he stays down there for 8 months.

Melissa: Wow. Wait, can I just stop? The other thing I think we should say, because you're, I think you're right. I am actually this is what I wanted. I didn't want you to come on here and talk about Own Your Zone in 45 minutes. That's not what I wanted, partially because of the impact that working with you has had, and I'm not going to do that's going to undercut the impact of the work. So for people who are like, "What's the point of this episode other than you're sharing a story?"

Jeff: Yeah, I just tell him about tell him about Erik getting on drugs. Yeah.

Melissa: No, no, no, but I really think it's important because there a for a few reasons, but one is that there is a story behind everyone, and I am interested in that story behind everyone. But I'm not going to have on an executive from a legal marketing company to tell their story.

I have a unique opportunity to dig into someone's story who is making a huge impact in the world and has made a huge impact in my life. And I'm not going to do it in a 45-minute Own Your Zone episode. I want there to be context for who this human is. I want there to be context for what you've been through. I want there to be context for when we met and the work that we've done. I and I like, I like a good story. I'm really interested.

And so, you know, I don't know if you know the Rich Roll podcast, but I love that podcast for that reason. They're long-form interviews that let people share what is going on, what has been their journey. And it helps you understand what they're saying now, what's behind all of it. So it almost seems like how is this an episode for The Law Firm Owner Podcast?

Jeff: Or for anyone that to get value, right?

Melissa: Well, yeah, but I'm thinking like of the brand and people probably like, "What? This is a little off-brand." Well, you know what? I don't think it is off-brand because all of us have a story. All of us have chain links. All of us have why we've gotten to where we've gotten, why we think the way we do now, why we act the way we do now. It's all connected. And the only way you can have an impact like that now is because of your experiences, your histories, your skills, the capacity you've developed.

And so I'm not going to not show that from the person I've worked so closely with over the last few months who's I've really experienced a shift. So I do want to give you space for your story because I think that you should tell your story. I think it shouldn't, it should be allowed, like space given to that. And I think it provides context for really, really important change for anyone who's listening.

Jeff: Yeah, well, thank you. The richness of it is that and the depth of it is that you hired me in a law firm or a lawyer or an attorney or any leader when they hear this story, the reason why it makes sense is that the amount of capacity it takes to be top 100 in the world, the pressure, the stress, the habits, the actions, the mindsets, the resilience, the bounce-back, the failures, that's just like that's enough in itself for you to say, "I want that guy as my coach."

And then you layer in this story. You layer in this story, you layer in I sat across from my brother in a maximum security correctional facility and looked into his eyes, and I saw his transformation. I know how he did it. I saw him lying on a floor at 18 years old, almost dying. I had him come live with me. I tried to navigate that. I navigated boundaries. I navigated people being pissed at me in my family, unhappy with me. I navigated all of that and addiction and mental health, which is such a prevalent challenge today in 2025.

I increased my capacity to handle stress in these situations in real-life situations beyond just the tennis court, where some athletes are great on the tennis court and or on a court and they're nightmares off the court. They can't even get their life together. But like I am in this soup of messiness of life with my brother and I'm and and and the relationship stuff, you know, I'm learning on the fly. I'm not just doing it and saying, "Well, this happened to me." I'm like applying all these things, and I'm expanding my capacity to handle things as I go on my journey.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: So I think that's why we're here.

Melissa: Yeah, and I didn't even need that. But the fact that that was there, it just shows um, it was further. I can see now that I've worked with you why you have the depth and capacity that you have to you in your coaching. I wouldn't have known where it came from.

Jeff: Right. But now it just you might say it's just tennis.

Melissa: Yeah, it’s just grit.

Jeff: But then it's like, whoa. Like you were literally down in Mexico doing plant medicine in a ceremony trying to heal yourself, and you're bringing your brother along with you to heal lineage and karma, whatever you believe.

Melissa: Which turned out to not be the way you had planned that to go.

Jeff: And it did not turn out the way I wanted. And so,

Melissa: Can you, can you share what happened, Erik?

Jeff: Yeah, we'll wrap it up on the on the story is… before I get there, I received a call last night from a former client, worked with him for about six months.

Melissa: Okay.

Jeff: This guy is like the man in finance. He hired me because of anxiety and a drinking problem.

Melissa: Uh-huh.

Jeff: And when we were working together, he was doing really well. And then there was some voice inside his head at one point that thought he could start drinking again.

He started drinking again and he didn't tell me. And he stopped working with me. He didn't tell me why. He said, "You're great, Jeff." He gave me a rousing testimonial. People call him if they want to hire me. They're like, "Can we talk to someone?" I'm like, "Yeah, you can talk to this guy."

And he'll say, "Oh my gosh, he's like the best coach ever." But he was so ashamed that he started drinking, and he couldn't tell me and that he failed me, that he just went away. That's what happens, right? When they're in addiction or they're in, they go away. The frequency doesn't match anymore. The vibration, the shame, the guilt, the emotions. He called me last night from a detox center.

Melissa: Oh, wow.

Jeff: And he said, "Jeff, I'm going to die if I don't change."

Melissa: Hm.

Jeff: I said, "Listen, man, you're my brother." I have brothers now all over the world, all over the country. Like he's my brother. I said, "Listen, man, I know it's dark. I don't know if I'm going to coach you again. I don't know if we're. I don't know how this is going to look. But I'm telling you, I'm in your corner."

How could I possibly hold space for that man in the way that I did last night if I didn't go through everything I went through with my brother?

Melissa: Right. Right.

Jeff: And this guy finishes the call last night and he's like, "You're a good man."

I said, "You're my brother."

That's the work that we're doing behind the scenes underneath Own Your Zone.

Melissa: Right.

Jeff: So with my brother, we do the plant medicine, doesn't go well, he stays in Mexico, it doesn't get good down in Mexico for him. I'm sure it gets worse. Yeah. I'll spare you the gory details, but at some point, he's got to get back to the U.S. after 6 months because he's not, he's not in, he's not involved with the right people in Mexico, okay? Like serious stuff.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: And he gets back to here and gets, moves back to Florida. I'm not talking to Erik at this point. We were basically estranged since the time in Mexico. And this is an important part of the story. And, you know, it creates rifts in families. Um, my stepmother and father had not been, they've been divorced for 10 years. I think a big part of their divorce was related to all the challenges under the roof with their son struggling so much. But she comes, my sister comes to live with me, and yeah, it's just getting really dark down in Florida with my brother.

And I remember uh getting a call in January. I think it was January 11th or 13th, I think January 11th, 2023, and I got a hysterical call from my stepmother that he had overdosed, that he had passed away. My brother was alone in a room. The door was locked. He was in a friend's home. He was staying with his friend. He was not living with with my stepmom at the time, his mother. And uh, that was January of 2023.

In September of '22, 4 months earlier, I got in a room with eight CEOs running 500 million to billion-dollar companies in software and healthcare. And three out of the eight hired me after my talk with these eight men in a forum, in a CEO forum group. Three out of the eight hired me to speak to their leadership team. At that point, I didn't even have my brother's story weaved into what I'm doing. I was just talking about my tennis stuff. But that moment was like, "Oh, I'm supposed to speak." 

I'm supposed to share a message with the world. Four months later, my brother passes away, and I'm like, "Oh my God. This is what I'm supposed to do. It's like an 11 out of 10.” It's an 11 out of 10.

Melissa: Yeah, which we'll talk about. Yeah.

Jeff: Yeah, the 11 out of 10 was like, "Oh my gosh, this is what I'm supposed to do." We talked about speaking on stages to help schools and to help kids, and to help leaders that struggle with mental health and addiction because everyone has a story. They either struggled with mental health or addiction, or they know someone.

So when I get in a room right now and I talk about the Own Your Zone concept and I talk about my brother's story, the transformation and the tragedy, I know there's everyone sitting in that room going, "Oh my God, like I'm struggling with this” or “My wife is struggling with this."

Like everyone knows someone. And so I'm opening up conversation like we are today. I'm giving people permission to share their story. I'm giving permission to feel the emotions, that it's okay. Yeah. I'm giving people permission by sharing my story. And whether we call it authenticity, it's a buzzword, whether we call it vulnerability, I don't know what we call it.

Melissa: Yeah. 

Jeff: I just know that I am sharing with one-on-one deep, intimate coaching with you and with others. I'm sharing me. I'm bringing myself. And I think you felt that, that I bring my stories and I bring my experiences to you, and I bring it to stages whether there's 10 people in the room or 10,000 people.

I am going to carry on my brother's legacy around his journey, the highs, the lows, the good, the bad, the ugly, the messiness, all of it can be shared. And we can all learn from it and take it into our lives and be a better version of ourselves and create that 11 out of 10 life.

Melissa: Here's how I know that you live it is that I didn't know about, I knew that he had passed away. I knew that you told me that, a little bit of the story and that he had passed a few years ago. That's all I knew. So that's how I know that you live this, is because the way you've shown up, it's obvious how it it's it's it's it's spurred from this whole experience. But you don't, you with the people you coach, you don't just tell them stories about your past. You're just living into your future from everything. And when you have opportunities on stages here, then you can really share. I didn't know 85% to 90% of what you've shared in in last episode as it pertained to him and then in this episode.

Jeff: Right.

Melissa: It's pretty remarkable that you, the whole story is remarkable and probably, um, specifically with addiction, it's not too uncommon in this world. But the other elements of your story are unique, and it's the blend of everything that that has uh made you who you are.

Jeff: At the end of the day, you can call me a performance coach. You can call me an executive coach. You can call me a coach, whatever you want to, "He's my coach." I have a coach. And when we sit across from each other like this and we smile and we laugh and we cry, and I talk about my journey and like how I'm committed to my own um healing. We're really, like, underneath all this performance stuff that we're putting out into the 3D world, we're healing ourselves by doing this work. And maybe that's, people don't want to talk about healing, it's too woo-woo, but like that's actually what it is. And he said to me a couple weeks ago, he's like, "You're not a," he's like, "You're not a coach." He goes, "You're a healer." I go, “First of all, I am not going to go around and say I'm a healer.”

Melissa: Right.

Jeff: Okay, let's just get that real clear, especially with a lawyer. Like, with I'm not going to, "Hey, come work with the healer over here." But what I did say is, "I'm not going to say I'm a healer. I resonate with being a coach."

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: But I do believe I am bringing my essence, my way of being, my vibrancy for life, my frequency, my energy, my knowledge, all of that to create an environment where people can heal.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: I mean, whether you wanted to admit it or not, I think there has been healing in our connection.

Melissa: 100%, which in subsequent episodes, we're going to get into more of the nitty-gritty of that, but there’s no question.

Jeff: And certainly people are going to hear about this and be like, "Oh, now he's going into this healing mode." Listen, if you want to perform at a higher level in your life, if you want to have everything and create everything and you want in your life, all the metrics are great, but if you are not digging in and going deeper and understanding yourself and focusing on the healing aspect of things, you're missing something. You're missing the boat. And some people are not ready to have this conversation or to look at this because it could be painful and it could be hard. And I'm here to say that you can do it.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: Everyone has the capacity if they're willing to go through some pain and through through some challenges, they can do it. And so we're just, we're just all now in this melting pot of peak performance and resiliency and leadership, but underneath it all, we're all just coming home to ourselves. And that's one of the things, my journey with tennis helped me see it. My journey with Erik helped me see this. My journey with my girlfriend at the time, Kesha.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: The plant medicine journeys helped me to see parts of me that I couldn't see when I was younger on this path. And now in the second season of my life, look, I get to like bring it. Like, let's bring it now. Let's go.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jeff: And I am ready, and I am available. Whoever resonates with this frequency, it's go time.

Melissa: Yeah, it is go time. Let's go. Thank you for sharing the rest of that story. I think it's the perfect groundwork. We're going to get into the framework that you developed, called the Own Your Zone Framework. And we'll dig into that in the next episodes, but I don't know. I wasn't really willing to go there unless we did this, so thank you.

Jeff: Thank you.

Hey, want to watch the video of this episode? Head over to Velocity Work’s YouTube channel. You’ll find the link in the show notes.

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